The pandemic is slowly getting to me and my routine. My way of doing things is starting to have a bad taste in my mouth. Working from home was a joy at first. No early morning preparation. No long commute. It sounded like a dream. Fast forward to today, working from home has become a potential hazard to our mental state. I’m about to tip over and just lose it. An imminent breakdown of massive proportion is about to happen. I had to step back.
Just the other night, while my wife and I were chatting, I began to self-assess. What am I really feeling? Am I angry? Frustrated? Sad? Discontent? Why am I being overwhelmed by so many emotions? What is the root of my current problem? I bounced everything back to my wife and was given more questions to ponder. At some level, she is also struggling to find stability in our current situation.
MY CURRENT DILEMMA
I am an idealist and also a realist. I have a lot of things in my mind that I FEEL like I have to do but are constrained to what I can REALLY do. Back in our old church, I surrendered myself to be used by God in the mission field. I can still remember the moment I stepped forward to the front and get emotional to the distinct feeling of being called to actively involve myself in mission work. I started teaching in our local church as part of training and was even part of various ministries. Years started to pass and the FEELING of being a missionary boiled down to the question – am I REALLY called by God. As of today, I still have the same feeling but then other things are also impressed in my heart like starting a business, starting a ministry, finishing my studies, and even starting a second job. All of these are currently compiled in my brain and it’s starting to bleed over my routine and affect my current roles and responsibilities.
I remember telling my wife that I wish I knew what God was preparing me for. It’s like telling me that we are leaving in 10 minutes so I better prepare but then no other information is given. Where are we going? Are we going to stay long? Should I bring food? Then my wife said the most God ordained thing that smacked my spiritual senses. For her, not knowing builds up a good kind of anticipation and reminds her of God’s sovereignty. I could only do so much, and for the other things I am not capable to do, I have to apply FAITH!
APPLYING A HOSEA MOMENT
I’m currently restarting my personal devotion and was led to the book of Hosea. I concluded, that in order for me to successfully apply FAITH, I need a stable belief system that is founded on the absolute TRUTH of God’s Word. I believe that I have been complacent with my spiritual life, thinking that once a week is enough to nourish my soul. I was starving and I had no clue. That was also the dilemma of the kingdom of Israel during the time of Hosea. That is why, the whole book is a reminder of the effect of neglecting the most important thing.
When you go to the second verse of the first chapter of Hosea, you will see the heaviness of what Hosea will be undergoing for God’s work. It says there, “Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness…” Now, I will not go into the whole reason behind why God ordered such thing (Because there is always a legitimate reason if it came from God) but focus on the first 4 words in God’s message – GO, TAKE TO YOURSELF.
Hosea was a prophet. Mostly, prophets go about telling people God’s message for them like how Jonah was ordered to tell the people of Nineveh of their impending doom. But then, God would always have a message for the prophet themselves. The first order of business for Hosea was for himself. A heavy task that was met with pure obedience once you get to the next verse. Why did Hosea obey? A commentary I was reading once said – It is easier to obey if you understand WHO is giving the command.
Hosea was not blindly obeying. Hosea was simply obeying out of love and reason. The logic behind this is established on a belief system where God is the ultimate foundation. That is the basis of FAITH! That’s what I need. I know the story of Hosea and how He repeatedly took his wife back into his arms even to the point of buying her back, but I am still excited to go over the story verse by verse and really soak into the grace, mercy, and compassion of God without neglecting His justice and perfect Righteousness.
BROKEN AND SPILLED OUT
I remembered Steve Green’s song BROKEN AND SPILLED OUT about the woman who broke a box of expensive oil and poured it into Jesus’ feet. The song shifted the focus on Jesus, where it says that He was also broken and spilled out for us on the Cross. Then, the last verse of the song was more of a challenge for the Christian.
In sweet abandon, let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee
Eventually, we would reach a tipping point where we are not able to do anything. In that point of helplessness, we can still be used by God. We are still able to move forward. I’m not saying it would be easy. It would even be painful. But then, with God, nothing is impossible.
I pray that as we move forward, especially during these trying times, that we do what we can do and trust God with what we are not able to do.